Sugar Free Me

I've been without sugar, wheat, and milk for eleven days.

It stinks. I'd like to say that I feel the beginning of a refreshing change to my health and that my mind is clear and rejoicing in the new me. I don't. I feel homicidal. I haven't baked any cakes either, even though I assured everyone the Cake Lady would carry on. I don't feel I can resist eating just a slice.  I really wanted to make my mates a date cake for work today too. I boiled the dates, then I froze the date mush. I thawed it out, and left it on the counter instead. Date cake is my absolute favorite, and honestly my date cake with homemade caramel sauce is brilliant.

Maybe if I added raisins to it, I'd find it repulsive. Cause raisins are gross. Ya think?

I digress. This happens a lot lately. Last night I snapped and started driving to the MacDonald's drive through for a diet Coke and a small french fries. In the middle of the night. Potatoes are still allowed, and I was hungry as hell. I never made it, as it occurred to me halfway there that my behavior was slightly mad and perhaps I should just go home and sleep it off. Not everyone was impressed either. Ahem. Don't get me wrong. There is loads of food at home. Loads. I got every allowed food item I could think of, but I just can't be arsed anymore no matter how hungry I am. Brie? Who cares. A lovely salad? No thank you. I just don't want anything, except for possibly a tuna sandwich and a chocolate chip cookie.

I've been fat my entire adult life, with varying amounts of chub over the years. I've actually been very damn fat, as opposed to rather north of pleasantly plump as I am now. I vowed never to go on a diet again; they don't work and when I do it I hate all of humankind.

Then my stomach started aching all the time, and I wanted to sleep every spare minute of my life. My doctor said to cut out wheat and stop drinking milk. And yeah, cut the sugar out too. It's like a mystery malady that he attributes either to stress or some kind of food sensitivity. Those are the go-to things blamed when someone feels like crap and there's no explanation. I suppose I am less tired. My stomach maybe feels better. I'm not sure there's an appreciable difference, but there's only one way to find out. Baskin Robbins and a Big Mac. Yeah baby. If I get a stomach cramp then have to take a nap immediately I guess we'll know won't we? Hah!

I plan to make that date cake soon. Whether I will break down and have a slice or not, I couldn't say. Perhaps it's time for a meal off.

Date Cake with Caramel Sauce

2 cups pitted dates, boiled to paste with about 1/2 cup water. Cool to room temperature.

1 t baking soda

1 T baking powder

1 1/2 cup boiling water

1 cup butter, softened

3/4 cup brown sugar

1 t. vanilla extract

2 eggs, room temp

2 cups all purpose flour

Preheat oven to 350F/180C

Cream butter and sugar on medium high until fluffy. Beat in the eggs one at a time, followed by the vanilla. Add half the dry ingredients and mix. Pour the boiling water slowly into the batter and blend. Add the remaining dry ingredients. 

Pour into well greased tube or bundt pan and bake for about 45-60 minutes. The edges might still be a bit sticky when it comes out of the oven, but the interior should test dry on a toothpick. Cool completely and invert to a plate.

Caramel Sauce

1 cup brown sugar

1/2 c heavy cream

1 t. vanilla extract

1/4 cup cold butter, chopped into pieces

Melt the brown sugar over low heat with the cream and bring to a simmer. Boil gently for about 5 minutes, until nice and thick. Remove from heat. Let stand 10 minutes, and beat in butter and vanilla. Cool to room temp and pour over date cake.

Not my cake. It's just an awesome way to serve it. 

If you want to see my cake, well you can just go read all my blog posts till ya find it! 

Cause that's the kind of mood I'm in eh!

I don't know how long this regime will last. Maybe not until my next post. Meh. Here's to sore tummies and thighs that rub together! Bravo! 

Love,

Felicia El Aid