Sugar Free Me

I've been without sugar, wheat, and milk for eleven days.

It stinks. I'd like to say that I feel the beginning of a refreshing change to my health and that my mind is clear and rejoicing in the new me. I don't. I feel homicidal. I haven't baked any cakes either, even though I assured everyone the Cake Lady would carry on. I don't feel I can resist eating just a slice.  I really wanted to make my mates a date cake for work today too. I boiled the dates, then I froze the date mush. I thawed it out, and left it on the counter instead. Date cake is my absolute favorite, and honestly my date cake with homemade caramel sauce is brilliant.

Maybe if I added raisins to it, I'd find it repulsive. Cause raisins are gross. Ya think?

I digress. This happens a lot lately. Last night I snapped and started driving to the MacDonald's drive through for a diet Coke and a small french fries. In the middle of the night. Potatoes are still allowed, and I was hungry as hell. I never made it, as it occurred to me halfway there that my behavior was slightly mad and perhaps I should just go home and sleep it off. Not everyone was impressed either. Ahem. Don't get me wrong. There is loads of food at home. Loads. I got every allowed food item I could think of, but I just can't be arsed anymore no matter how hungry I am. Brie? Who cares. A lovely salad? No thank you. I just don't want anything, except for possibly a tuna sandwich and a chocolate chip cookie.

I've been fat my entire adult life, with varying amounts of chub over the years. I've actually been very damn fat, as opposed to rather north of pleasantly plump as I am now. I vowed never to go on a diet again; they don't work and when I do it I hate all of humankind.

Then my stomach started aching all the time, and I wanted to sleep every spare minute of my life. My doctor said to cut out wheat and stop drinking milk. And yeah, cut the sugar out too. It's like a mystery malady that he attributes either to stress or some kind of food sensitivity. Those are the go-to things blamed when someone feels like crap and there's no explanation. I suppose I am less tired. My stomach maybe feels better. I'm not sure there's an appreciable difference, but there's only one way to find out. Baskin Robbins and a Big Mac. Yeah baby. If I get a stomach cramp then have to take a nap immediately I guess we'll know won't we? Hah!

I plan to make that date cake soon. Whether I will break down and have a slice or not, I couldn't say. Perhaps it's time for a meal off.

Date Cake with Caramel Sauce

2 cups pitted dates, boiled to paste with about 1/2 cup water. Cool to room temperature.

1 t baking soda

1 T baking powder

1 1/2 cup boiling water

1 cup butter, softened

3/4 cup brown sugar

1 t. vanilla extract

2 eggs, room temp

2 cups all purpose flour

Preheat oven to 350F/180C

Cream butter and sugar on medium high until fluffy. Beat in the eggs one at a time, followed by the vanilla. Add half the dry ingredients and mix. Pour the boiling water slowly into the batter and blend. Add the remaining dry ingredients. 

Pour into well greased tube or bundt pan and bake for about 45-60 minutes. The edges might still be a bit sticky when it comes out of the oven, but the interior should test dry on a toothpick. Cool completely and invert to a plate.

Caramel Sauce

1 cup brown sugar

1/2 c heavy cream

1 t. vanilla extract

1/4 cup cold butter, chopped into pieces

Melt the brown sugar over low heat with the cream and bring to a simmer. Boil gently for about 5 minutes, until nice and thick. Remove from heat. Let stand 10 minutes, and beat in butter and vanilla. Cool to room temp and pour over date cake.

Not my cake. It's just an awesome way to serve it. 

If you want to see my cake, well you can just go read all my blog posts till ya find it! 

Cause that's the kind of mood I'm in eh!

I don't know how long this regime will last. Maybe not until my next post. Meh. Here's to sore tummies and thighs that rub together! Bravo! 

Love,

Felicia El Aid

The Saint Patrick's Day That Wasn't

Even in Salalah, talk of wearing green on "the big day" was everywhere. To get a special on Irish beer at the bars, ya had to wear green. Green eyeshadow doesn't count by the way. I didn't want beer but I did want one of the specials and the Oasis turned me down. No discount on calamari for you!

I wailed that I didn't HAVE any clean green clothes; I put on green eyeshadow instead!. I wailed that I, in fact, was one of the only people sitting in the club with a genetic connection to Ireland. No dice. No specials, no discount, no way. Come back in green.

It kinda pissed me off, but I've moved on. Very few people here even know why they will wear green tonight to get boozy discounts at the Hilton. Even fewer know what St. Patrick's Day is all about.Or care. This week, we're all Irish!

Cracks me up every time.

The day actually celebrates St. Patrick and the arrival of Christianity in Ireland and is held on the anniversary of his death on March 17, 461 CE. Should you ever get the urge, reading about Christianity in Ireland before Rome took over is really interesting stuff.  Lenten restrictions are lifted that day, which might explain the green beer and enthusiastic drinking. Not that the Irish are typically known for excessive drinking. As for green, the story goes that Patrick used the shamrock to explain the Trinity to the unconverted, and it's green, so there ya go. 

I remember my mother insisted on American Irish food on that day, a salty corned beef and boiled cabbage dinner beloved by New Englanders, Irish or not. She said we had to have a meal and think about our crazy Irish relatives. There was my Aunt ****, for example, who broke her arm and for years simply flopped it around, hoisting it's considerable girth with her free arm when she needed to. It was kinda gross really, but she didn't want to go through the hassle of a bone graft, and since she was in no pain, didn't see the point. Her sister was a legend in the area for her prodigious skills with men, and had a very special nickname I dasn't repeat. I dasn't. I don't think being faintly and remotely Irish had anything to do with this family lunacy, but it made for good talk over the boiled cabbage! 

I wanted to make a green cake for the good people at work; we have one Irish teacher left so why not? The problem is I had very little good green food coloring left, and I don't love my coworkers enough to drive to the store and buy more. Hah! 

I made a simple almond flavored bundt cake (again with the bundt cakes) and put a dite of green in the batter. Then I had a massive gas bubble in my brain and dumped in BLUE AND RED COLORING. What possessed me to think those colors make green? I know they don't. At the same time I did that, I turned off the oven with the soda bread, thinking I was shutting off the burner with the boiled eggs. 

Not my morning. The soda bread was delicous though, even though the oven was off for about 20 minutes.

Irish Soda Bread

This recipe really does cook in an hour, and is yummy with butter and jam. Or beef stew. Man I'm hungry. 

4 cups of flour

1 T baking powder

1 t baking soda

1 t salt

1 c raisins or currents (disgusting..I did NOT include)

1 T caraway seeds (I didn't have any)

2 1/4 c buttermilk (use whole milk with a tablespoon of white vinegar if none available)

Preheat the oven to 350. Leave it on the whole time you bake the bread (unlike meself). Lightly oil a baking sheet.

Mix the dry ingredients in a large bowl. I personally use a stand mixer with a dough hook for the whole process. Add the buttermilk, raisins and caraway seed. Mix until it all comes together in a ball. Knead briefly into shape and place on baking sheet. Slash the top and bake for about 40 minutes, until golden and hollow sounding. 

Their bread. Note the yacky currents.

My soda bread. I want some now, except the doctor told me to stop eating bread. Dang it!

I dub thee Larry Flint Pink. If you have to ask.....

There is no recipe for this, as I can't really remember what I did. It was one of those kinds of mornings. Mornings where you try and make a green cake for an Irishman, and you end up with a ghastly porno pink confection. Let's just leave it at that. 

Tasted ok though. 

Love,

Felicia El Aid

Pinterest Pinning Fool

What the hell happened? What possesses me now to spend money keeping my data plan firing away on my phone? Pinterest.

You know, when a coworker suggested I'd love it, I kinda pished at her. Like...pffft. I'd looked at it before and wondered what the point was. Why were people grabbing pictures of this and that off the internet and putting a little red "pin" on them. Useless right? Then, mildly curious after watching her cute little head hunched over a laptop poking red pins on pictures, I took a serious look.

SO not useless. I totally found a crocheted owl on there, used to store rolled fancy towels. I shall make it and put it in the bathroom of my someday dream restored farmhouse. A friend even MADE a small test owl and told me how to start the damn thing. Have I made it yet? No. That is not the point. The possibility of a crocheted owl for towels now exists in my head, and I revel in it.

Do you want to do yoga? Well you can read about it on Pinterest! Any asana, thoughts about yoga, you name it. Pin away! And as everyone knows, reading about yoga in a really meaningful way is the same as doing it. Heck, you don't have to read it anytime soon. It's pinned! Go to your "Someday I will get off my lazy arse" board and read at your leisure.

I have boards for books, North African food, Arabic food, regular food, desserts, erm....sewing...erm....ok I might be a little out of control. Maybe I am using Pinterest to live life without actually getting out the door and living it. Maybe I am depressed and living in a dreamworld.

Nah. I will absolutely someday make a rug out of old tee shirts using the friendship bracelet technique. Absolutely.

The splendid owl. It could happen.

As for the cake, I made the same recipe I used before by Ina Garten. I doubled it, then realized I didn't have enough baking soda. So I tripled the baking powder. It was fine, I guess. This doubling made for three good size layers. Two went into this cake, and one stayed at home. Here is the modified recipe:

Ina Garten's Chocolate Cake

(adapted from the original)

3 1/4 cup flour, sifted

4 cups (yes!) sugar 

1 1/2 cups cocoa

1 t. baking soda

3 t baking powder

1 t salt

4 eggs

1 c. vegetable oil

1 1/2 cups hot coffee

2 cups buttermilk (or 2 cups milk with 2 t white vinegar added)

Put all dry ingredients in a mixer and mix using the paddle. Add the oil and eggs and blend. Add the buttermilk and blend. Add the hot coffee and mix well. 

Preheat oven to 350/180. Grease three 8 inch cake pans and LINE THE BOTTOM WITH PARCHMENT. Grease the parchment. 

Bake for about 23 minutes or until toothpick clean. Cool in pans for 20 minutes, run a knife around the edge and invert to a wire rack. Cool completely before frosting. This is a sticky cake. I don't know why. If you don't line the pan, it will come out in pieces. Besides, you haven't lived until you've smelled buttery hot parchment. Really. 

Frosting:

6 oz chopped semi sweet chocolate (I've used Hersheys bits twice. Not good. It just doesn't melt properly. No more.) Melt it in microwave and cool. 

1 cup butter

1 egg yolk

1 t vanilla

1 t instant coffee dissolved in hot water

4 cups confectioners sugar

1 T cream

This recipe is quite different now from Gartens. 

Whip the butter on high until fluffy. Add the ROOM TEMPERATURE egg yolk and whip. Add the vanilla. Slowly whip in the powdered sugar. If you dump this all in your mixer at the same time, you will wear a lot of it. 

Blend and pour in melted chocolate. Whip until light and fluffy. Add the cream if you need to for texture. 

Frost the cake. I love the taste of this cake but it annoys me to frost it. Sticky. Both times. 

If it looks like its caved in on the side, it is a bit. Tried to fill it with frosting but meh. Part of the dang cake stuck to the sides because I was late for work and didn't wait long enough. Sigh.

This cake is for my class of rangers, a group of men working for the Diwan to try and save the Arabian leopard. They have been a joy to work with every time. I hope they like it, even if it is a little fugly. 

Our rangers. May Allah bless their efforts.

(published with permission)

Love,

Felicia El Aid